If this kid comes out misshapen, it's my own fault

I have lost any sense of depth perception and find myself running into doorways, opening doors and cabinets into myself, and turning into things multiple times a day. Guess that's what happens when your stomach has it's own field of gravity. So Squishy, I'll apologize now for your banged up nose. We'll probably lie to you when you're older & tell you it happened when you decided to play Spiderman off the couch, but really, your mom slammed your face in utero trying to get to her Poptarts in the pantry.