The Power of Fi Compels You

As Mamma G described, we narrowly escaped with our sanity traveling back to Cleveland for Fi’s baptism. As with all our roadtrips home, we had the utmost pleasure of experiencing West Virginia (pronounced Wes-Va-Jane-Ya by locals) and all her “wild and wonderful” glory (more like Charleston and Nothing Else). You know you’re in the lowest of the lower 48 when the state government would rather pour all their funding into encrusting the state capital building roof with a 24-karat gold dome then spend a penny on cleaning up the outlying areas…can you tell we’re not fans of WV?

On the positive side, Fi did travel well, sleeping most of the trip, while Wallace required some bribing to settle down (grilled KFC and the finest Aquafina 7-Eleven had to offer). When we did finally get into Mentor (3 toll booths, 2 tunnels, 56 switchbacks and 284 semis later), it was great to see all our family & friends and show off our new baby aka the Tour de Fi.

In addition to Fi getting baptized, ensuring she stays outta hell by renouncing Satan and cutting back on all her baby-twerking, other trip highlights included:

-Grandma Gail getting to see Fi for the 1st time. We also gave her a big collage so she will always have plenty of pictures of her new grandbaby.

-Fi’s Godparents Tony & Faith getting to see Fi for the 1st time. During the baptism, Fi slept the entire time in Tony’s arms.

-Getting dinner at Melt, one of Mamma G’s favorite Cleveland spots, known for their huge exotic grilled cheese-based sandwiches and legendary margaritas.

Minus some ingenious-timed construction by the tards that run NC-DOT, the overall trip was a success. I’m cautiously optimistic that we can make a trip up for Christmas.

Although…I have a feeling that in order to make another trip happen, I’m going to be flipping the script and instead of being a wasted pilot, I’ll be the only sober inhabitant of our car. I envision Fi in a milk-induced coma, Wallace hanging out in Itis-town courtesy of some meat and/or cheese delicacy and Mamma G feasting on Heads-or-Tails Oreos, Murder-Death-Kill Kindle Novels and possibly a couple Black Cherry Mikes. Through the haze of Wallace’s fish breath and the noise of Fi’s sleep grunts and other bodily noises, if you listen closely, you’re bound to hear me murmur in-between sips of my favorite energy drink…"Monster Absolute Zero, you’re my only friend".