I need a restraining order

Because I am most definitely in an abusive relationship. I've been punched in the eye, head-butted & lip split, hair pulled until it ripped out, kicked. I've been peed on, thrown up on, and had a sneeze launched in my face. I've been screamed at when meals are not prepared fast enough and when my undivided attention is not provided. I'm no longer allowed to do my favorite activities- I haven't touched a book or a bottle of nail polish in weeks.

It's a good thing she's so cute.

But don't let that innocent face fool you; she's just resting up to raise hell later.